Things to Know

1. Budweiser beer conditions the hair
2. Pam cooking spray will dry finger nail polish
3. Cool whip will condition your hair in 15 minutes
4. Mayonnaise will KILL LICE, it will also condition your hair
5. Elmer's Glue - paint on your face, allow it to dry, peel off and see the dead skin and blackheads if any
6. Shiny Hair - use brewed Lipton Tea
7. Sunburn - empty a large jar of Nestea into your bath water
8. Minor burn - Colgate or Crest toothpaste
9. Burn your tongue? Put sugar on it!
10. Arthritis? WD-40 Spray and rub in, kill insect stings too
11. Bee stings - meat tenderizer
12. Chigger bite - Preparation H
13. Puffy eyes - Preparation H
14. Paper cut - crazy glue or chap stick (glue is used instead of sutures at most hospitals)
15. Stinky feet - Jello!
16. Athletes feet - cornstarch
17. Fungus on toenails or fingernails - Vicks vapor rub
18. Kool aid to clean dishwasher pipes. Just put in the detergent section and run a cycle, it will also clean a toilet. (Wow, and we drink this stuff)
19. Kool Aid can be used as a dye in paint also Kool Aid in Dannon plain yogurt as a finger paint, your kids will love it and it won't hurt them if they eat it!
20. Peanut butter - will get scratches out of CD's! Wipe off with a coffee filter paper
21. Sticking bicycle chain - Pam no-stick cooking spray
22. Pam will also remove paint, and grease from your hands! Keep a can in your garage for your hubby
23. Peanut butter will remove ink from the face of dolls
24. When the doll clothes are hard to put on, sprinkle with corn starch and watch them slide on
25. Heavy dandruff - pour on the vinegar!
26. Body paint - Crisco mixed with food coloring. Heat the Crisco in the microwave, pour in to an empty film container and mix with the food color of your choice!
27. Tie Dye T-shirt - mix a solution of Kool Aid in a container, tie a rubber band around a section of the T-shirt and soak
28. Preserving a newspaper clipping - large bottle of club soda and cup of milk of magnesia, soak for 20 min. and let dry, will last for many years!
29. A Slinky will hold toast and CD's!
30. To keep goggles and glasses from fogging, coat with Colgate toothpaste.
31. Wine stains, pour on the Morton salt and watch it absorb into the salt.
32. To remove wax - Take a paper towel and iron it over the wax stain, it will absorb into the towel.
33. Remove labels off glassware etc. rub with Peanut butter!
34. Baked on food - fill container with water, get a Bounce paper softener and the static from the Bounce towel will cause the baked on food to adhere to it. Soak overnight. Also; you can use 2 Efferdent tablets, soak
overnight!
35. Crayon on the wall - Colgate toothpaste and brush it!
36. Dirty grout - Listerine
37. Stains on clothes - Colgate
38. Grass stains - Karo Syrup
39. Grease Stains - Coca Cola, it will also remove grease stains from
the driveway overnight. We know it will take corrosion from car batteries!
40. Fleas in your carpet? 20 Mule Team Borax- sprinkle and let stand for 24 hours. Maybe this will work if you get them back again.
41. To keep FRESH FLOWERS longer Add a little Clorox, or 2 Bayer aspirin, or just use 7-up instead of water.
42. When you go to buy bread in the grocery store, have you ever wondered which is the freshest, so you "squeeze" for freshness or softness? Did you know that bread is delivered fresh to the stores five days a week?
Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Each day has a different color twist tie. They are:
Monday = Blue, Tuesday = Green, Thursday = Red, Friday = White and Saturday = Yellow.
So if today was Thursday, you would want red twist tie; not white which is Fridays (almost a week old)!
The colors go alphabetically by color Blue - Green - Red - White - Yellow,Monday through Saturday. Very easy to remember. I thought this was interesting. I looked in the grocery store and the bread wrappers DO have
different twist ties, and even the ones with the plastic clips have different colors. You learn something new everyday! Enjoy fresh bread when you buy bread with the right color on the day you are shopping.

Only in America

1. Only in America.... can a pizza get to
your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America.... are there
handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America.... do drugstores
make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their
prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America.... do people order
double cheeseburgers, large fries,and a diet coke.

5. Only in America.... do banks leave
both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America.... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America.... do we use
answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a
call from someone we didn't want t! o talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America.... do we buy hot
dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America.... do we use the
word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

10. Only in America.... do! they have
drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

Because I'm A Guy...

Because I'm a guy, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I'll miss a whole show looking for it, though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.


Because I'm a guy, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call a road service until long after hypothermia has set in. Oh, and when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another guy shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer.


Because I'm a guy, when I catch a cold I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't an issue.


Because I'm a guy, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "Cumin" or "Tofu." For all I know these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism.


Because I'm a guy, when one of our appliances stops working I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.


Because I'm a guy, I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and ask someone. Why would you listen to a complete stranger - - how the heck could HE know where we're going?


Because I'm a guy, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex or football, though I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't.


Because I'm a guy, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for mother's day is ok, I don't need to see it. Did you remember to pick up something for my mom, too?


Because I'm a guy, I am capable of announcing, "one more beer and I really have to go," and mean it every single time I say it, even when it gets to the point that the one bar closes and my buddies and I have to go hunt down another. I will find it increasingly hilarious to have my pals call you to tell you I'll be home soon, and no, I don't understand why you threw all my clothes into the front yard. What's the connection?


Because I'm a guy, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.


Because I'm a guy, yes, I have to turn up the radio when Bruce Springsteen or The Doors comes on, and then, yes, I have to tell you every single time about how Bruce had his picture on the cover of Time and Newsweek the same day, or how Jim Morrison is buried in Paris and everyone visits his grave. Please do not behave as if you do not find this fascinating.


Because I'm a guy, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?


Strange sex facts:

- Ellen Perkins told the patent office that masturbation was such a serious problem in the insane asylums where she worked that she invented metal "Sexual Armor" (A large sheet metal clamp)" to deny patients access to their genitals. Patent No. 875,845 (1908)

- Sperm don't fight their way into the egg, they flail around, dying, while the egg picks one out and lets it in.

- The #1 cause of erection problems is smoking.

- Frequent sex stems early death.

- Men in Willowdale, Oregon, are forbidden to utter profanities during sex.

- It's against the law for anyone in California to engage in oral sex. Punishable by 15
years in jail.

- Newlyweds of Oblong, Illinois, may not make love on their wedding day while on a hunting or fishing trip.

- It is unlawful for men in Washington State to make love to a virgin. The law makes no exception for those who happen to be married to said virgin.

- ItÕs considered a crime for women in Tremonton, Utah, to engage in intercourse in
an ambulance. (It is not a crime for the man.)

- A couple cannot legally share a hotel bed in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Hotels there are required to have twin beds that must always be a minimum of two feet apart.

- Couples in Newcastle, Wyoming, are prohibited from having sex inside a store"s walk-in meat freezer.

- A man in Alexandria, Minnesota, must not make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath.

More Fun Facts:

1. The average chocolate bar has 8 insects' legs in it.
2. The average human eats 8 spiders in their lifetime at night.
3. A cockroach can live nine days without its head before it starves to
death.
4. A rhinoceros horn is made of compacted hair.
5. The shortest war in history was between Zanzibar and England in1896.
   Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes.
6. A polar bear's skin is black. Its fur is not white, but actually
clear.
7. Elvis had a twin brother named Garon, who died at birth, which is
   why Elvis' middle name was spelled Aron; in honor of his brother.
8. Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered
   blood donors.
9. Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn't wear
   pants.
10. More people are killed by donkeys annually than are killed in plane
     crashes.
11. Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.
12. Shakespeare invented the word "assassination" and "bump."
13. Marilyn Monroe had six toes (not that anybody really noticed).
14. If you keep a Goldfish in the dark room, it will eventually turn
     white.
15. Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
16. Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than
      left-handed people do.
17. The sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses
     every letter in the English language.
18. The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they
      start with.
19. The word "lethologica" describes the state of not being able to
      remember the word you want.
20. TYPEWRITER, is the longest word that can be made using the letters
     on only one row of the keyboard.
21. If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line
     would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
22. The word racecar and kayak are the same whether they are read left
     to right or right to left.
23. A snail can sleep for 3 years.
24. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive
     from each salad served in first-class.
25. China has more English speakers than the United States.
26. The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
27. Vatican City is the smallest country in the world, with a population
     of 1000 and a size 108.7 acres.
28. The longest town name in the world has 167 letters.
29. Did you know you share your birthday with at least 9 million other
     people in the world.
30. "I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
31. The longest word in the English language is 1909 letters long and it
     refers to a distinct part of DNA.
32. No president of the United States was an only child.
33. The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one-mile in every
     five mustbe straight.These straight sections are usable as airstrips in
     times of war or other emergencies.
The Mustang Limo Convertible
The Mustang Minivan Convertible
Fun Facts:


* Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

* 13 people each year are killed by vending machines falling on them.

* 26 Billion dollars in ransom has been paid out in the U.S. in the
  past 20 years.

* The average talker sprays about 300 microscopic salivadroplets
  per minute, or about 2.5 droplets per word.

* The odds of a person being struck by a meteorite are ten trillion  to one.

*It would take 7 billion particles of fog to fill a teaspoon.

* It only takes 7 lbs of weight to rip your ear off.

* If you were freeze-dried, 10% of your body weight would be from
  micro-organisms on your body.

* Only one person in two billion will live to be 166 or older.

* The world record for rain boot tossing is 54.60 meters.

* There is actually a recorded world record for rain boot tossing.

* California has issued 6 drivers' licenses to people named Jesus  Christ.

The Bible is the most shoplifted book in America.

If you bring a raccoon's head to the Henniker, New Hampshire town hall, you
are entitled to receive $.10 from the town.

The hammer throw is illegal as a high school sport in all states except Rhode
Island.

If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You
also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make
change for a dollar.

The international telphone dialing code for Antarctica is 672.

Ohio is listed as the 17th state in the U.S., but technically it is number
47. Until August 7, 1953, Congress forgot to vote on a resolution to admit
Ohio to the Union.

The hundred billionth crayon made by Crayola was Perriwinkle Blue.

It was illegal to sell ET dolls in France because there is a law against
selling dolls without human faces.
The 12 Worst Things to Say to a Police Officer

I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

Sorry Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

Aren't you the guy from village people?

Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me! Good Job!!

I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.

I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

Bad cop! No Donut!

You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on "Cops"?

Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too.

I was trying to keep up with other traffic. Yes, I know there is no other car around, thats how far ahead of me they are.

What do you mean, "Have I been drinking?" You're the trained observer!

LESSONS IN MANAGEMENT


Lesson Number One

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw
the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day
long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.  All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Management Lesson:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up!

Lesson Number Two

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to
the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull
"They're packed with nutrients."  The turkey pecked at a lump of dung
and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.  The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Management Lesson:

Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.


Lesson Number Three

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The Brain
said, "I should be Boss because I control the whole body's responses and
functions." The feet said, "We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get
him to where he wants to go." The hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money." And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the
asshole being the Boss. So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and
refused to work. Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the
feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered. Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!

Management Lesson:

You don't need brains to be a Boss - any asshole can do.


Lesson Number Four

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird
froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there,
a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there
in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The
dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy and
soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to
investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird  under the
pile of cow dung and promptly dug him out and ate him!

Management Lessons:

1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) And when you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut!


Jump to Fun Facts:
Jump to Lessons in Managment
Jump to Strange Sex Facts
TO THE TOP
TO THE TOP
TO THE TOP
TO THE TOP
TO THE TOP
Jump to More Fun Facts:
Rules of Life

1. Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.

2. You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it
should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.

3. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship "I
apologize" and "You are right."

4. Learn to pick your battles; ask yourself, 'Will this (or this person)
matter one year from now? How about one month? One week? One day?'

5. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!

6. Work is good, but it's not that important.
12 Worst Things to Say to A Police Officer:
Jump to Only in America
Rules of Life
TO THE TOP
TO THE TOP
TO THE TOP
TO THE TOP
A Dog's Thoughts.....


1. Blaming your farts on me ... not funny ... not funny!!

2. Yelling at me for barking ... I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG YOU IDIOT!!

3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly who's walk is this anyway?

4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose ... stop it.

5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.

6. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain, you nitwit.

7. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back.

8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.

9. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth ... you're just jealous.

10. Dog sweaters. Have you noticed the fur? Imbecile.
TO THE TOP
A Dog's Thoughts
I'm a Martini, discover your ALcoHoLiC personality!
I'M 118 PROOF HOW DRUNK ARE YOU?
I'M 72.5% X-rated HOW HORNY ARE YOU?
Things To Know
TO THE TOP